Critical Role Transcript – making Critical Role accessible!
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MATT: “Captain, I think we’re heading into a proper storm.”
MARISHA: Damn, could you be more ominous, Orly? Were you trying? I think he was trying.
MATT: (more ominous) “Captain, we’re heading into a proper storm.”
MARISHA: That was good. I think that was pretty good.
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SAM: You definitely get to unscrew the gas cap of his car.
TRAVIS: Yes, there you go.
MARISHA: Shouldn’t be proud of that, you shouldn’t.
BLAIR: How do you put gas in your car, everyone? How does that work for you?
MATT: He has a man who does that for him.
TRAVIS: “Sir!” There is that button on the side of the gas station that says “ring for attendants.”
BLAIR: Sam has been walking everywhere since the second week he owned a car when he was sixteen because he has not figured out.
MATT: “Sir, can you feed my car?”
SAM: What are these gas stations you speak of? I’ve gone to gas valets, where you just sit there and wait and eventually someone comes out who will fill you up, to get rid of you.
MARISHA: Because you’re blocking traffic to the gas pump.
[laughter]
TRAVIS: Let’s just keep it right between the amigos, all right? Just because–
TALIESIN: What part of the body is the amigos?
TRAVIS: No. That’s us, right? One amigo, two amigo. You and I are amigos.
TALIESIN: Okay.
TRAVIS: It’ll be our thing. Like we’re bunkees. We share–
TALIESIN: Amigos. We share amigos.
TRAVIS: No. We’re not going to share amigos. We are the amigos.
TALIESIN: That’s even better.
TRAVIS: Sharing amigos is a whole other– yeah.
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MATT: You’re taking damage, fool. That is 18 points of slashing damage against you.
TRAVIS: I have a half damage to all bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage?
MATT: You haven’t raged yet.
TRAVIS: So I’m not raging?!
MATT: You haven’t raged yet! It isn’t your turn yet.
TRAVIS: But I’m so angry.
MATT: I know. You’re about to be so angry.
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MATT: You are not drowning yet, but you’re on the cusp.
SAM: That’s my favorite condition: “is not drowning yet.”
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SAM: I might as well try one of the doors that’s locked, and see if I can pick it, but I’m not good at that, so I’ll try.
MATT: Okay. Do you have on your person any sort of thieves’ tools?
SAM: I have a forgery kit, a poisoner’s kit–
MARISHA: Forge some thieves’ tools real quick.
SAM: Climbing gear? And a whip.
LIAM: Matt, I have one of the earrings, and I say: Scanlan, what exactly is the purpose for this little escapade, and will it be ending shortly?
SAM: Can I reply?
MATT: You can, through the message-based ear enchantment.
SAM: Just trust me that I have no idea what I’m doing.
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MATT: You are not drowning yet, but you’re on the cusp.
SAM: That’s my favorite condition: is not drowning yet.
